Puffy Giuliani

You know, I just read this article about Rudy Giuliani in which he defends Bill Clinton's record on hunting public-enemy-number-almost-forgotten Osama Bin Laden. Clinton was asked about the subject by Chris Wallace from Fox News, and responded by becoming what the entire news media universe has unanimously termed: combative. He never was one for direct confrontation, and is clearly someone who thinks we should all bow down and recognize his political brilliance. He is without doubt a very intelligent man, but he also happens to be a self-serving douche with a penchant for very clever subterfuge.

But I truly digress, because the point of this blog is to refer to a statement Rudy made during his aforementioned speech. He said that he honestly believed that every president he ever met would "give their life" to stop an attack like the one on 9/11.

And that my dear friends is the rub. There is simply no fucking way in God's green earth that Bill Clinton or George junior would ever even dream of giving their life for this country. In fact, each of them was given the chance to do so, and lo and behold, they both shirked.

But I must admit that this is really written in the spirit of mirth. I simply can't get past the image in my mind of Bush getting a call from Osama, who wishes to deliver this unimaginable plan:

"Hello, is this George Bush?"

"Yeah."

"Osama here. Listen, you son-of-a-dog imperialist, I have a proposition for you, and it is one that I bring to you with all the truth I can muster."

"...."

"We have some planes, and we will use them. Unless."

"Unless?"

"Yes o' Satanic infidel, unless you take your own life."

"Well, that's a tall order there Mr. Bin Evil Do-er."

"You have unt..."

"Ok, no."

And there you go. Our world is a retarded place. No wonder it's considered rude to use the term retarded. We have shamed an otherwise perfectly specific term with no innate offensive qualities.

Retarded.